Today, I decided to delete my two old blogs. One has been with me since high school, and the other since sophomore year in college. The former holds about a hundred posts while the latter barely reached 10. I’ve ignored them for a while now, but I finally decided to delete them once and for all. I admit, one of my main reasons is privacy. I can’t just have thoughts of my immature, impetuous high school self floating around the internet. I did download a back-up file though, so that one day, when I have nothing else to do and whimsically decide to read what and how I wrote when I was 14 years old, I can dig them up and cringe at myself.

I started blogging in high school. Together with a bunch of friends, my 15-year-old self started learning html codes, div tables, hexadecimal color charts, and web effects way before our teacher attempted to teach us during computer class. I say “attempted” because I feel that she ultimately failed–the website she created to show us an example of a “good” one had a neon green background with a guitar rolling across the screen. That quarter, my seatmate (who also happened to be one of the best blog designers I knew) and I never listened and just did our own thing. Half of the class wasn’t listening because half of the class already knew whatever she was trying to teach–we blogged.

Back then, blogging was surreal. There were only a few notable bloggers, and though some were famous, none ever really reached the notoriety and infamy of today’s bloggers-cum-celebrities. Mostly, people just blogged about their daily lives. I certainly did. I remember a period wherein I refused to hit the spacebar. What resulted was an abuse of the period symbol and another idea filed under “but-it-seemed-so-cool-at-that-time”.

I honestly never cared about other people reading the blog; I just treated the whole world wide web as my personal journal wherein I could also view my friends’ personal journals. I was on a blog frenzy. I posted every night, and looked at my friend’s pages every night as well. We’d customize the colors of our shout boxes and updated each other about our lives online. Then it sort or grew an extra arm and a third leg – I blog-hopped (a term, which I believe has recently morphed to “blogwalking”) and added strangers to my blog list so that I could prove I had many online friends. I did meet some great people online through their blogs, and it’s one of my regrets that I haven’t been able to keep in touch with the few that I really got to know.

College, however, changed all that. I learned to have a life outside my computer. So many new things were happening that whenever it came time to chronicle my days in my blog, I was too tired to type or even log in. My burn-out with journalism and writing, in general, also played a part. It wasn’t really writer’s block – it wasn’t that I didn’t know what to write about, but more of not wanting to write at all. I simply grew tired of writing. Writing became a chore, and corollary to that, maintaining a blog.

I made a second blog to jumpstart myself – I believed then that I was ready to take the mantle of keeping a blog once again. I brushed up on my rusty PhotoShop skills, and made a personal blog because I felt that writing became too much of pleasing other people and less of being myself. It turns out, if you really want to write solely for your own benefit, a blog is a stupid tool to use. Blogging is inherently public, and no matter how much you tell yourself that you don’t write for other people, a bit of what you write will still cater to an audience.

It was senior year when I made a third blog – this one in LiveJournal, where I could keep it more private. I had grown weary of Blogger and maybe a change of environment would be helpful. I made it because of two reasons: 1) I wanted a ranting space, and 2) I needed one in order to gain access to K-pop communities and fanfiction sites. Heh. Needless to say, I updated rather sporadically. I even toyed with the idea of making it my writing blog and uploading some of my fiction work there. That hasn’t really materialized. I have some fan fiction chapters stored in my hard drive, but it’s utterly self-serving that I’m too embarrassed to post it online. I decided to keep it because 1) I still visit those K-pop communities, and 2) I want a personal emotional ranting space.

And then came this blog. While my LiveJournal was to be a personal ranting space, this was supposed to be my niche-based, “serious” blog. I envisioned a political op-ed blog, but until now, the “News and Current Affairs” tag remains unused. Hah. It’s been a more personal blog recently, but I do plan to utilize my many categories and post about things I deem interesting and worth knowing. I think, finally, that veil that has for so long clouded my ability to write and blog regularly has been lifted. I can feel it, and I certainly hope so.

Besides, I’m on a crusade to curb my innate laziness, and maintaining this blog would certainly be a step towards reaching that goal.